Pregnant or Bust

The long road to conception, dealing with infertility



I shared with you in my last post what happened on Sunday, 9/20/15. After that, we came home and slept most of the day Monday. So much so, that neither me or my husband could sleep Monday night. I think we got maybe 2-3 hours each. He had a chiropractor appointment early Tuesday, so we went to that, then briefly to the grocery store. My back killed me all day. 

I was so exhausted on Tuesday night from being in pain and lack of sleep I went to lay down around 11 pm. I got ready for bed and laid down to play some candy crush. At 11:30 pm, I was just about to turn in when I felt like I guess a “pop” sensation. I can’t think of how else to describe it. Then I felt a warm wet sensation. Honestly I thought I just leaked a little urine. I go to the bathroom and my panties are completely saturated and the liquid was still coming. I gather myself up and go out to my husband playing video games and look at him calmly and say “I think my water just broke.” His response…”are you sure?” 

We start making preparations. I called my doc’s answering service and told them my situation and that I was going to the ER. We only live 14 minutes away from the hospital, but you’d think by the way my husband drove we lived 2 hours away. He used his flashers and did about 80-90. Can’t tell he’s used to driving an ambulance lol! I get triaged and head up to labor and delivery again. This time they checked to see if it was indeed my water breaking. They finally determined it was and I was having contractions though not entirely close together. The next thing I know they’re talking about giving me an epidural already, even though I was still just 1 cm dilated. But that’s what happened given my circumstances. 

The epidural. Oh holy crap the epidural. They missed the first time. Not like spine damage, paralytic miss; but bone crushing, painful miss. So they had to try a different spot higher up. Thankfully that one was smooth. 

The nurses for the lost part were absolutely incredible. So sweet and tolerant. 

Anyway,to speed things along…I was in labor for 21 hours. 53 minutes of that was pushing. They tell me I did really awesome at pushing. The husband was an amazing supportive coach. He was gripping my hand the whole time or holding one leg (a nurse had the other) when I was trying to push. I didn’t swear thankfully, but I did scream a couple times. I felt quite a bit of it. More than the “slight pressure” you hear some women say when they were doped up from epidurals. 

I had minimal tearing. Second degree. It’s sore but not mind numbing. But here’s the most important part…

The end product:


She is my beginning and end. She is my world. Miss Alexis Lynn. Love completely. 

She does have jaundice. I was released Friday night, she’s still in. She’s doing UV Therapy so we only get to hold her during feeding a and changing. It’s heartbreaking but I know it could be worse. Our hope is tomorrow (Sunday) is when we can bring her home. 

It has been an absurdly long week, but I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. 



Well That Was Fun


I wrote about the blood pressure issues in my last update. Well, around 7ish this evening (what I thought were) contractions started coming. Turns out, when you have a lot of scar tissue it can make Braxton Hicks extremely painful because it’s like they’re shoving up against a brick wall. 

Well that’s been remedied. 

I called my mother in law and she suggested I go to the ER since I was in so much pain and I was timing it at 5-6 minutes apart for over an hour. We got to ER, they loaded me in a wheelchair and took me up to labor and delivery. I got all hooked up, bp was at like 150/92, and I was in a ton of pain (couldn’t stand upright). Husband had to finish the call he was on and wait on someone to cover the rest of his shift, so my mom came back with me. I told them everything, the hemorrhage in the beginning, the incompetent cervix, bedrest since May 28th, the scar tissue, and now the group B strep (got my results last night). So they checked my cervix (uncomfortable), then she said “oh yeah there’s definitely scar tissue, bear with me I’m going to try to break it up by massaging through it” (mind numbing, tear wrenching pain). She got through it and found I was 1 cm dilated and fully effaced. About 20 minutes before they checked my cervix a 2nd time, my husband had gotten there thankfully. Just him getting there made everything slightly better. 

After that I still had spasms of pain, which she warned me would happen, but no more contractions. Now I’m home. I feel a lot better. The scar tissue had been worrying me. Like what if my water broke but it was being dammed up? What if I was dilating but couldn’t tell because of it? So now it’s gone, and hopefully that means Miss Alexis will make her debut pretty soon. 😉 

As always, I hope you’re all doing well! 


Advice, ASAP

I really need your input readers, please. 

I checked my bp before bed (like usual) at midnight, and it was 141/88. I waited the recommended 4 hours and checked again around 4:30 this morning, and it was still high at 142/97 (this is after sleeping and laying on my left side). So I called my doc’s answering service and the on call doc called back in like 2 minutes (meaning no time to pull my chart). Basically he laughed at me asking why I was taking my bp at midnight and said if I don’t have a headache or anything not to worry about it. I know my dr has told me before that anything 140/90 or higher is cause for concern. I just don’t remember what she told me to do. You know I’ve had issues all through this pregnancy (I’m 36 weeks now yay!) but I’ve never ever had issues with bp. It’s never been higher than 130/80. I’ve also been having those contractions since Thursday night but they’re about 15-25 minutes apart. At the advice of a friend, I took it while laying on my left side once at 6 am, and it was 135/83. At 7 am, while sitting up, it was 139/85. What would you all do? Wait it out or go to the ER? 

Oh, and my husband just left for work >.< 


Place Your Bets

My family has a pool going on when Alexis will be born. So far there’s 21 dates taken (they are doing it from this past Thursday the 17th until October 20th) at $5 a date. I told them not to go as far as the 20th but hey, it’s their money. I caved and picked Sept 29th and Oct 14th (my husbands birthday). All that being said, I now think I won’t make it even until the end of next week…

I could be wrong; I’ve heard of women going like 2-3 weeks even after they start experiencing these “symptoms,” but I don’t know. 

I had my group B strep test Thursday, as well as a cervix check. I doubt the group B test caused any issues because it’s just a swab of the vagina and rectum, but I think the cervix check may have hit an activation button. After my appointment, I ate lunch but then took a nap. I was down maybe 2 hours (if that), when I woke up feeling like I was catching a cold. I had chills, I was achy, stuffy nose, extremely tired, just miserable. I even told my husband I thought I was coming down with something. I was craving “sick foods.” Soup, Gatorade, water, etc. Then the loose stools started. Then around 10 p.m. the contractions started. 

Holy hell I thought regular Braxton Hicks was a pain. These hit and I didn’t want to move. If been having some throughout the week, but they weren’t that strong and definitely not frequent. These were I guess considered moderate, and started about 20 minutes apart. They were about 10-15 minutes apart regularly (as opposed to about 30 minutes apart and infrequent previously) by the next hour. The worst thing was I was alone. Husband was at work, and on a call for the first hour that they started. 

This went on until about 4:30 a.m. They gradually slowed in frequency but not in intensity. They eventually started waking me up. But they stay far apart. My water hasn’t broken and I’m not leaking, and I’m too far apart to go to the hospital. Even now they stay about 12-15 minutes apart. When one hits I instantly stop what I’m doing until the strongest part passes. She hasn’t stopped moving either. The most annoying part is hearing people say “oh it’s probably just Braxton Hicks.” Ugh. You can probably just kiss my…

Anyway, I talked to Lexi that night (Thursday), after midnight I told her she can’t come on Friday, otherwise her uncle (my brother) would never let her live it down that he was the one who predicted her birthday. 

My friend said she’ll be surprised if I make it through the weekend, let alone next week. I definitely won’t make it until my due date (October 18th). 

The appointment itself went well. She didn’t say whether I was dilated, but I also don’t think she can tell for sure since I have about 0 cervix left. I am fully effaced and she is head down thankfully. She had a student with her, I never mind that, I was there once, they have to learn somehow and I mean, come on, my case is a pretty good case study. So my doc came in and said she was just reviewing my case withsaid student and saying how amazed everyone in the office is that we made it this far. She said I am officially a “normal pregnant lady.” (As if) 

And I’m off bed rest, still no working, but I can do pretty much anything else I want to; which, ironically, is to stay in bed. I’m also now allowed to go to the chiropractor for adjustments which has been amazing for my legs and hips. I had to cancel my appointment today though. 

The other news is (I probably shouldn’t post it but oh well) I have an interview on October 8th for an Office Assistant job for the Department of Transportation. It’s less than what I make now, but it’s closer to home steady and reasonable hours, and it’s a Stare job, so there’s tons of opportunities to move up. I’ll at least hear them out. The start date wouldn’t be until pretty much my return to work date so it lines up pretty well. 

I suppose that’s all for now. I’m sure there’s more to say but this is long enough. 

As always, I hope you’re all doing well! 🙂

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Be Gentle. 

I have updates from my appointment yesterday, but I’ll do a post about that later. I think I finally want to put this part of the story I used to work on out there for some feedback. I haven’t written on it in a good while. I think I’ve just been afraid. So, here it goes. There’s a little more to it than what I’m posting, but this gives you a taste. It’s a rough edit too, but let me know, honestly, should I even bother to continue? It’s untitled. 
He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. The way her hips moved ever so gracefully as she danced entranced him in a way that frightened him. Her scantily clad, light brown skin seemed even paler in the moonlight. It looked as though her sweat was making her belly glisten, but when he reached out to touch her she was cold. So, so cold. 

“What are you?” The man managed to gasp out. 

He watched her lean in toward him without making a sound. For a brief instant, he smelled her – her bittersweet fragrance, so sweet, like lilacs and vanilla, but with a touch of…what is that smell? He could only describe it one way….

“Death.” He whispered, as he took his last breath. 


“Did you see the paper this morning?” Lily asked Wilson, while flipping his egg whites. 

“No, why? Did someone else go missing?” Wilson fumbled around trying to get to the morning newspaper. 

“Yep. Mr. Grissom’s boy. He’s only twenty-two. Said he went missing about two nights ago while visiting friends in Kingwood.”

“But no bod has been found?” 


Lily sat Wilson’s breakfast down in front of him. Her husband was a health nut, and sometimes it drove her crazy. This morning’s breakfast – two slices of whole wheat toast (dry of course), two egg whites, and a fresh fruit plate. After serving his breakfast, she set to work on her own. It was a hassle but she didn’t want to give up her poached eggs, sausage, and toast lathered in butter. 

Wilson started reading the article aloud – even though he knew she had already read it. Lily stifled a sigh. 

“‘Abel Grissom, age twenty-two, has been reported missing as of Friday, June 3rd. Friends say they last saw Grissom at a bar in Morgantown, West Virginia. They say he went outside to smoke but never came back inside. ‘We went to check on him after about fifteen minutes, and he was gone. We just figured he met some chick and split, it’s been known to happen with him,’ one friend reported. Grissom’s family and friends ask that if anyone has any information that could help find Abel please call the hotline that has recently been set-up because of all the disappearances – 1-888-FINDME3. Abel’s disappearance is the eleventh missing persons case since May 1st.’ The eleventh one? That’s insane! Do you think they’re still alive?” Wilson finished with a sigh. 

“Doubtful. Eleven in a month, no traces of them, no sightings since they’ve disappeared. I don’t think they’re alive.”

“Geez Lily, you’re so cynical. They could be out there somewhere.” Wilson scoffed. “There’s always hope.”

“I doubt it.” Lily knew. As she sat there eating her breakfast, she knew. She also knew there would be more, and she knew it would go unsolved by the public. But what she didn’t know was who would be next, or when. 


As light diminished and darkness grew, Serena started stirring from her forced slumber. She lifted the lid of her coffin and stretched. She realized it was cliché to have a coffin now, but she didn’t care. It suited her, it was comfortable to her, it was all she’d had for the last century – so she kept it. She also knew she didn’t have to wait until full dark, but where’s the fun in that?

She had just fed a few nights ago, but she could already feel the hunger growing inside of her. It was a feeling she loved. . . and hated. It made her a monster, but it felt so good. The hunger was a pain that overwhelmed her whole body, she could only describe it physically as a tingling sensation throughout her, but it was so much more than that. It was painful if she let it go for too long. Maybe she was a masochist but she loved letting the hunger grow, it made feeding that much more intense. 

When she sank her teeth into an artery, especially after not feeding for awhile, it was almost spiritual, and it was damn well orgasmic. The way the blood felt as it filled her mouth, it didn’t taste bitter and metallic like humans describe it. If a human would taste it as Serena did, they would say it tasted as good as the juiciest, most tender steak they’d ever had. 

Each person was different though. The boy had been wild. He had a gamey taste that made her feeding wild as well. When she had finally bit into his neck she couldn’t control herself. She filled up, she couldn’t stop – she didn’t want to stop. His life source made her feel vibrant, wild and ironically – alive. 

She had drained his body completely and buried him far down under the earth – just like the others. Serena was growing tired, however, of all the attention her food had been getting. If it kept up she would end up with too much unwanted attention. Not that she thought that humans would be able to grasp the concept of vampires as anything other than novelty, but she didn’t want to risk it. Next time she’d try to control herself, but for now, now she wanted entertainment. 

~ BH 


34 weeks, 3 days

I have been a horrible blogger lately (again). I start thinking about writing all these different things and then I get sidetracked…very easily sidetracked. Seriously, I have the attention span of a gnat anymore. 

At first I was going to put part of a story I’d been working on for awhile just to get feedback. I may do that tomorrow. 

I was going to write about love and relationships (basing off Morticia and Gomez) but then I just thought I’m not the best relationship advice giver. 

So I’ll stick with the usual for now. The last couple of doc appointments have been basically the same. She enters and says she’s so happy I’m still there and she can’t believe we’ve made it this far and she’s glad. Then I ask a litany of random new mom questions. I asked about effacement and dilation since, you know, I have no cervix. She said I’m fully effaced and dilated. I asked if that meant labor would be faster and what to expect. She explained it could still take a few hours to deliver, just depends on the strength of contractions, etc. we talked about breaking the scar tissue if it doesn’t break on its own. General questions like that. 

This week my questions will be more about contractions, because I think I’m having them. My belly gets extremely hard/tight. I timed it Monday night and they were coming about every 25-30 minutes so not close at all. Then they stopped after awhile. I’ve also had some “labor signs,” which to be honest I relate to those pregnancy symptoms in the beginning. You know what I mean, when we’re trying to conceive you start to see the symptoms everywhere, then you take the test and its negative and you’re like what the hell? So my labor symptoms have been diarrhea, way more emotional than I have been (poor husband caught the brunt of that), this morning I had like fever chills, back ache and of course the belly hardening thing. The husband things I’m overthinking. I think when he says that I want to punch him (hence over emotional). Oh and nesting way more than I had been. I keep thinking I’ll probably have her by the end of next week, but I hope she cooks longer. 

We bought our car seat finally. All night tonight I kept looking at it thinking “holy crap, we’re about to have a tiny human that can fit into THAT!” I decided to just go with the infant seat for now. I think we’ll get a bassinet before we bring the crib down too. 

Alexis is squirming so much now, pretty much all the time. I love every second of it. Even if it does keep me awake at night (hence being almost 4 am). I guarantee she’s over 5 lbs now. She makes me so happy. 

So here’s the 34 week belly. The Husband says I’m not huge. I say bless your heart, yes I am and it’s ok because I’m supposed to be. I’ve still only gained about 9 lbs if that. Even gorging on sweets. Which my parents tried to bribe me to come to their house with chocolate cake (the husband is on his 24 hour shift & I freaked them out by telling them about my belly). I didn’t accept the cake though. I know, what was I thinking 😉  



Etiquette, 32 weeks and A Baby Shower

I’ll do my best to not make this super long, but who knows what will happen. 

First off, I know “thank you” cards are completely polite, but my goodness are they awful. I hate them. I hate the etiquette person who came up with the idea. They are a horrible person and had way too much time on their hands. 

The good news – 32 weeks baby!! Each week becomes more unbelievable. I’m beyond happy, and so is the husband. I think he’s finally to the point a teeny, tiny part of him has relaxed a little bit. He puts his head and/or hand on my belly a lot more and Alexis enjoys kicking him in the face. 🙂

The doc appointment went well. We had a growth ultrasound done and she was 3 lbs and 14 oz (supposedly) and was right on track. Heart rate was 129-132. And the tech still thinks she can see a lot of hair! 

I had my progesterone shot, and this was the only time it hurt because the PA (physcian’s assistant because my doc was out of town) decided she wasn’t going to take it slow (it’s oil based, you’re supposed to push slower). In and out. Very uncomfortable. I asked about future thoughts. . . What if we decide a little later that we want to try for another baby? (Husband really wants to try for a boy) PA said more than likely I’ll have the exact same problems and a cerclage probably wouldn’t help since there’s not much of a cervix to cling to. I am, however going to ask my actual doc this week. PA’s are great, but this is the one who told me way back on week 19 that she could get me in with the doc on call for a cerclage the next day and then everything got all confused. 

The best part of last week (aside from seeing Alexis). . . I had my baby shower!! I told them not to worry about a theme (though I loved the idea of Alice in Wonderland or Penguins) but just try to do like a pink, white, and light grey. It turned out great. They (my mom and aunt) ended up going with elephants and it was so cute.  

   I had more people show up then I really expected. I got somewhere around 30 packs of diapers a fat least 15 packs of wipes. TONS of onesies, mostly 3-9 months surprisingly.  

There was one person who just didn’t seem happy to be there and it was bugging me, but I eventually brushed it off and just enjoyed the day. For the 2 days after I was beyond exhausted and my feet were swollen. It was the most I’d done since May 28th. 

So that’s about it. I’ll leave you with my 31 week “bump” (aka mountain) and some ultrasound pics. Hope you’re all doing well!!